The powerful ripples, and the important drops that make them
I became an educator because I wanted to be a part of the system that allows humans to reach their fullest potential. I knew that I would not be the technical innovator or the disease curing scientist, but that I could be… and am, the person who sees human potential and can teach, encourage, and support people in realizing their dreams and sharing their gifts.
Today our schools face challenges that previous generations have never faced. This is in part due to the fact that we now know more: about learning, equity, and systemic oppression, another part is due to the incredible changes that have come as the result of technology and 21st century living, and lastly, our entire population experienced a collective trauma in the pandemic that has had lasting impacts on our ability to move forward.
Our school systems are cluttered more now than ever with conflict: ideological conflicts, student to student conflicts, teacher to teacher conflict, teacher to student conflict, teacher to parent conflict, parent to school leader conflict, union to administration conflict, the conflict within ourselves… the list goes on and on. Conflict is like a sickness, it is showing us something that needs attention.
As a teacher and educational leader, I am a potent force. I have the power to fuel conflict or diffuse it. I am an important drop that first creates ripples in my classroom, then in the homes of the families I serve, and in the world of my colleagues and community. How I show up to my work every day has an impact. When I show up in a state of stress and overwhelm, my students can tell. I bring that stress energy and pass it on. When I show up in apathy because there are too many things to care about, so I stop caring, I bring the energy of not caring and I spread it. When I show up feeling balanced, loved, capable, and seen, I spread that too. I am a big drop making important ripples, and I need to take great care with the kind of ripples I create.
I am only one teacher, and still my impact on the 30 students in my class and their 30 families is significant when it is multiplied by the hours, the days, and the years that I serve as an educator. My ripple has traveled pretty far over the years. Even more impactful is the cumulative and collective impact of all of the school leaders and teachers… it is huge and it’s more than academic.
So what is it that we want to spread or pass on via our classrooms? What are the ripples that we want to send out into the world?
I believe we want the energy- the ripples flowing into and out of our educational institutions to be that of hope, possibility, excitement, curiosity, compassion, and love. I believe we want our schools to be places where staff and students can learn about, practice, and embody social and emotional health: self awareness, social awareness, emotional resilience and healthy relationship behaviors. We know this is important, so we have created and implemented social and emotional learning programs for kids. This is a great step, but it is only minimally effective if the drops (the teachers and educational leaders) that are trying to create a lasting ripple of SEL haven’t had the time or the training to do the things that we know develop these important dispositions. Social, emotional, and relational health can’t be taught with books and some worksheets, it’s more complex than that, and it needs to be treated as such.
Let me first start with a couple of definitions:
SEL- social emotional learning (traditionally identified as needed by students)
SEC- a measure of social and emotional skills demonstrated by adults that includes self awareness, other awareness and decision impact awareness.
So what is the pathway for educational leaders: district administrators, principals, teachers and support staff toward being a model of social and emotional health, a beacon of positive and productive energy, and a leader in turning conflict into cooperation… It's simple, but it’s not easy. It’s authenticity.
Authenticity work is SEL for adults, leaders, and all people who have a wealth of experiences, incredible dedication, and a deep desire to actualize that amazing person they know is hiding underneath the to-do lists, the people pleasing, and the exhaustion of adult life. It is SEL on steroids, and it starts with you, the teacher leader and the teachers.
Authenticity is the first, second, and third step toward social and emotional health and positive relational skills for adult professionals. The added bonus is personal: it’s a sense of peace, well-being, and the feeling of freedom.
When we reconnect with our authenticity, we become deeply self aware- beyond self knowing like, “I am a morning person”, or “I am opinionated”, and into “I am a person who seeks validation from others to feel worthy.” This statement may sound edgy, but once we recognize the roots of our behavior, we can give ourselves what we really need to feel good and bring that feeling to our work and personal life. The process of digging deep into our own self awareness improves our interactions with others. When we are able to recognize our own vulnerabilities, our worries, our co-dependencies, our disappointments, our shame-we are better able to meet others and ourselves with compassion. We develop a more realistic social awareness. We understand others and social situations better because we understand ourselves better. When we are authentic, we embrace our emotions and let them inform us, but not manipulate us. We develop emotional resilience. When we are no longer controlled by our emotions and the negative energy they can create, we find healthy ways to relate to the stressors of daily life. That means healthy relationships with technology, our partners, our students, our colleagues, our leaders, our community, our body, our food… the list goes on.
So back to the classroom… quality relationships make for quality learning. Quality relationships in complex environments like schools require social and emotional competence, and this set of skills, call it SEL or SEC, requires authenticity. To gain the self awareness required for all the rest of it, we need to shed the layers of protection that we build when we try to please all the stakeholders that are passionately vested in what we do. The parents, the community, the board, the kids, our colleagues, our governing bodies… We have to come back to that person who got us into education in the first place, that passionate, positive, driven human who knew that what we do is about way more than test scores. It’s about humans. And don’t worry, all of those stakeholders are going to love the authentic you. When you show up as the real you, they can too. And it is from the place of authenticity, not co-dependence, that we are able to collaborate and solve problems in new and creative ways because we have access to our whole selves and not just the part of us or the role that we think other people want to see.
Test scores and performance metrics are a reality that I know we can’t and shouldn’t ignore. But believe me, when we support humans in accessing all of their potential- not just their minds, but their hearts, their bodies, and their passionate authentic self, the scores will follow. Humans are natural learners and creators; we must remember to trust the amazing power of humanity. Just look at what we have already accomplished!
If you are ready to take a new approach to the conflict and disconnect in your office, your school, your classroom, and you are ready to step toward learning and relating that involves the full potential of your humanity and those you work with, I invite you to begin the authenticity journey. You are welcome to do it on your own, but if you are not sure where to start, my partner Karen and I offer authenticity workshops and coaching that is geared for large groups and teams. Our model includes a 3-hour introductory workshop with one hour virtual follow up sessions to strengthen your ability to leverage your authenticity for your social, emotional and relational health.
Find out more at authenticallyyours.net.
The research:
The teacher shapes the environment, experience, and learning context of the student in potent and meaningful ways (Eccles & Roeser, 2011).
Teachers (their attitudes, behaviors, and dispositions) have a critical impact on student social and emotional development (Birch & Ladd, 1998; Hamre & Pianta, 2001, 2006; Murray & Greenberg, 2000; Pianta, Hamre, & Stuhlman, 2003). SEL programs for students that are delivered by teachers with high social and emotional competence are more effective (Jennings & Greenberg, 2009).
The teaching profession does not allow enough time for self-reflection that leads to self-awareness and emotional regulation (McLean & Connor, 2015). Teachers who enter the profession will varying degrees (both high and low) social and emotional competence, but in many cases, the emotional and occupational stressors, combined with lack of time to reflect and regulate leads to burnout and a decline in the quality of student and teacher relationships (Maslach et al., 2016).
Teachers who are able to reach and maintain high social and emotional competence are able to bring to life these important ripples in their classroom (Jennings & Greenberg, 2009):
- Calm and productive classroom learning environment
- Cooperation and collaboration
- Intrinsic motivation
- Student directed problem solving
- Meaningful communication
- Prosocial behavior
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